all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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