Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
