the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
