Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
where am i from again
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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