Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
