I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
