So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
