I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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