I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
how drunk are you?
Several
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
