Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
