I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
