Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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