do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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