I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize