I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
