Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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