my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
