We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
