How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize