Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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