i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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