She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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