I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
