How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
