JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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