so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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