I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
