Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize