Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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