Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
