yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
