You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
