cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Come on in and take your pants off
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