Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
