Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
