I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
