Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
