This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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