i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
