am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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