Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize