She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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