Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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