Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
