i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
