Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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