Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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