my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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