Ambien. No doubt about it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize