I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You took a bar mat shot.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
