I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
