i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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