so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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