guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
