32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
