God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
