she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
