I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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