in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
