It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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