i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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