Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
it's great music for shaving your balls
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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