Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
