I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
