hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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