Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
