You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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