just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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