If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize