the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
