Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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