This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Still dying that you shit outside
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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