You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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