'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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