Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
