nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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