Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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