im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
