He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
