be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
