Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
