i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
