Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize