about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My bed smells like the plague
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