I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize