I feel like abortions should bother me more
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
