Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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