I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
