So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
