I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
