i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
