i just google imaged poop.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
