I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize