GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
