I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
