I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
