chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize