Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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