I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
its liver damage thursday
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