i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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