So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
