K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
