I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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