"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
