it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
