Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
ttyl tear gas
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
