I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
