he shaved USA in his pubs
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
