dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
