can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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