I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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