I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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