You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
