i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
