so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
