She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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