im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
