I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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